On the Scene
by Maannga
Summary: Skyward Sword characters interviewed about the... imaginative pairings of Zelda characters in the FanFiction World. Plus more. Rated T for safety. Summary epic fail!
1. Interview of Boy Love and Rainbows

**Hey, world. I hope you enjoy this stupid fanfic, because I literally made it up on the spot and couldn't help myself. After seeing a whole lot of Link/Ghirahim fanfics appear lately, I just simply had to write this down. I am not out here to piss people off, just to laugh (even though, personally, I am not a BL fan.) Anyway, no hate, and enjoy!**

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><p>Link: Um.. I'm sorry, but what did you ask?<p>

Interviewer: How do you feel about FanFiction and the Boy Love fanfics of you and Ghirahim.

Ghirahim: (looking at the camera) Is that thing seriously on?

Link: What kind of sick person are you?

(To the Producer)

Interviewer: Tell me, sir, God Of All Video Games and Your Epicness, what are you're thoughts?

Producer: Nani kore? Anata wa baka desu! BL wo desuka? NANI KORE?

Interviewer: I see. Very interesting.

(Back to Link and Ghirahim)

Ghirahim: Me liking him? Sure, as a friend, but as a boyfriend…. I still can't see it. Sure I wear makeup, but it's all for the game!

Link: Seriously, do we even look compatible? It's like those crack pairings with me and some freak like Ganondorf, but these have gone beyond that point.

Ghirahim: I've already been called Debbie the Fabulous, how do you think that made me feel?

Link: I mean, it's already enough that Maannga makes me look like an ass in that stupid series, but come on, Nintendo doesn't even give me a voice! All I seem to manage to squeak out is a stupid "hiyah!"

Ghirahim: Yeah, I mean, come on. When Nintendo asked me to do that stupid tongue thing in our first scene, how do you think I felt? Happy? Look, dudes, and no offense Link-

Link: None taken.

Ghirahim: I just don't swing that way. Do you think I wanted the world to think that? When Nintendo suggested it, I stayed in my trailer for a week.

Link: Yeah, we were getting a little worried there.

Ghirahim: Sorry about that, but I had to voice my anger.

Interviewer: (Over to Zelda) And how do you feel about this?

Zelda: Honestly? How do I feel about this? How do you think I feel?

Interviewer: Erm… I don't know…

Zelda: Look, it beats reading this Zelink fanfics all the time. I can't tell if people want us to be lovers or siblings. I get a little woozy when I read the ones where I have kids. I'm sorry, but I'm still a child. I'm not ready to even _think _about that.

Interviewer: (Over to Fi) Your thoughts?

Fi: (Blinks) On what?

Interviewer: Um… fanfics on Link and Debbie being gay.

Fi: Oh, _those?_ Please, do you think I have time for that kind of crap? With me suing Nintendo and all? I don't give a _damn_ about Link's personal life. I mean, I spent over 150 hours with him. I think that's longer than any other Link partner. I've seen enough of his _personal_ life to last me for ages.

Interviewer: You mentioned suing Nintendo?

Fi: Who wouldn't when you're personality is deprived? Wouldn't you get tired of making up probabilities on the spot? I can't count the number of times I had to redo a scene because the producer hated the numbers I came up with. And they erase me. They don't even kill me, they just make it so it's like I never existed. Ouch, talk about hating on your employees.

Interviewer: Sounds tough.

Fi: I'll say, and now I managed to be even more annoying than Navi. Aren't I just proud? Nintendo, if you're listening, you can kiss my sorry blue a…

Interviewer: (Over to a Zora) Do you have anything to say about that?

Zora: I'm five. I don't know what you are talking about.

Interviewer: I'm talking about Link and Ghirahim being gay.

Zora: (Blinks) What's.. gay?

Interviewer: Well, gay is…

Zelda: (cutting in) What are you doing?

Interviewer: Erm… asking this Zora.

Zelda: The Zora don't even appear in Skyward Sword, you jack ass.

Zora: (tearing up) I wanted to be in it… but they only allowed… (breaking out into sobs) GORONS! WAAAAHHHHH!

(back to Link and Ghirahim)

Link: Flying?

Interviewer: Yes, tell me about you're flying. Was it fun to be on a Loftwing?

Link: Sure it was fun. If being on a large painted ostrich that tried to eat me and poops nonstop counts as "fun."

Ghirahim: Dude, did you even fly?

Link: They had me on wires riding a fake plastic model. The wind was from stupid fans.

Ghirahim: But aren't you changing the subject. I thought this interview was about those fanfics.

Interviewer: Well… I thought you wanted to change the subject.

Link: Well, you thought WRONG!

(to Demise)

Interviewer: Um… shouldn't you put the pink bunny down?

Employee: (whispering on camera) It helps him keep calm.

(Demise looks around, terrified)

Interviewer: Oh. (Cough)… so, tell me, Demise. How do you feel about your sword and your enemy being together?

Demise: (stares)

Interviewer: Er…

(to Groose and Old Impa)

Groose: Link and Ghirahim? TOGETHER? Ha HA! That's just rich. You know, that is the first thing I thought of when I saw that tongue scene!

Impa: No it wasn't.

Groose: (whispering) Shut up, grandma, I'm trying to look cool…

Impa: Call me grandma again, and I will kick your sorry a…

(to Link's Loftwing)

Loftwing: KIYAAAAAHHHHH!

(back to Link and Ghirahim)

Link: Hey, did you know that they wanted to do a Lion King ½ reference? They were so close to doing it, too!

Ghirahim: Oh yeah! If it wasn't Fi, the game would be screwed.

(Almost in game)

Link: (singing) Dig a tunnel, dig dig a tunnel. When you're done you dig a bigger tunnel. Dig a tunnel, dig dig a tunnel. Quick before Ghirahim comes…

Mogma: DIG!

Fi: (stares in horror) What. Is. This. CRAP?

(back to interviewer)

Link: I (places a hand on his forehead)… am going to have nightmares.

Ghirahim: (Pats his back) I'm here for you.

(To Demise)

Demise: (holding his bunny tighter) To..together?

Interviewer: Yeah, you know. Link and Ghirahim **bleep** and **bleep** like when two lovers **bleep** normally.

Demise: Re… really?

Interviewer: Yeah. What are your thou….

Demise: (Sudden flames around his body) GHIRAHIM, I WILL RIP YOUR EFFING HEART OUT!

Employee: (you can hear as the camera falls over) DEMISE! PINK BUNNY! THINK PINK BUNNY!

(back to Link and Ghirahim)

Link: Well, as you can see, we really don't appreciate you having us together.

Ghirahim: Yeah, try putting me with someone else instead, like Karane.

Link: Wait.. Ghirahim… Karane is taken.

Ghirahim: Really?

Link: Yeah, she and Pipit really hooked up.

Ghirahim: No way, really? Dude, I didn't get to congratulate them yet.

Link: Do it after the interview.

Ghirahim: Sounds good.

(To Demise)

Demise: (stares at his ripped pink bunny, slight tears in his eyes) Bunny…

Interviewer: Sigh.

(Back to Impa and Groose)

Impa: (Screaming and chasing Groose) COME BACK HERE, YOU WHIPPERSNAPPER!

Groose: (Screams)

(Suddenly, Link's Loftwing attacks Impa, and she falls over, knocked out. Behind her, Link with his harp and Fi appear, and Fi begins to sing.)

Fi: Grandma got ran over by a Loftwing…

(Groose finds himself begin chased by the Loftwing, the Zora child is sobbing in the corner, Demise is burning with hatred for whoever killed his pink bunny, and Tingle is floating in the middle of it all shouting "MR. FAIRY!" Ghirahim, standing by the camera, notices it staring at the sight.)

Ghirahim: The producer has had them practice singing for a year. They haven't broken the habit yet.

(An old man walks onto the stage. The camera turns to look at him.)

Interviewer: Um.. who are you.

Man: (Raspy high old voice) I am Link from Ocarina of Time. I've come to say hi… Hi.

Interviewer: The legendary Hero of Time! Tell me, oh great hero, what do you think of your ancestor going out with Ghirahim.

(Link stares at the chaotic scene for five minutes before replying)

Link: Well… it's nice to not be reading those Shiek/Link fanfics all the time.

(Another Link appears, a little younger but still just as old as OoT Link)

New Link: You think you have it bad? I have to stand reading about going out with myself, all four of me!

(Off in the distance, a strange statue stands alone, a perfect, creepy smile glued to his face, as laughing rang out from a creepy, red haired salesman…)

Voice: You shouldn't have done that.

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><p><strong>Thanks for reading this crap. I like reviews. Reviews are pretty. Shiny… Shiny reviews…. I like to know what people are thinking. MUST. IMPROVE. MY. CRAPPY. SKILLS. If you liked this, I suppose I could make more, but that probably won't be the case, knowing the world... I'm sorry, World, for making terrible pieces of art. (dramatic tears towards a sunset) <strong>

**Please, no hate if you like the crack pairing stuff. This was just for fun. **


	2. Fried Octorok Cafe: Veteran Villains

**Hello everyone! Well, I guess I lied. This isn't another interview... This is what I like to call Fried Octorok Diner, where the cast from Legend of Zelda go after a hard days work to chat. Today's eddition (if there are ever more in the future) is between Ganondorf and Vaati. Please enjoy. :D**

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><p>Ganondorf: Sigh.<p>

Vaati: What's wrong?

Ganondorf: Oh, nothing… It's just that, ever since Twilight Princess, I've been replaced by other villians.

Vaati: Yeah, dude, I know. Must be hard.

Ganondorf: No kidding, look at Mr. Flamebreath over there.

(Demise has his arms in the air, staring into space.)

Vaati: (eyebrow raised) What's he doing?

Ganondorf: Nobody knows, but that's what replaced me.

Vaati: Ouch. But you have to admit, dude, he does have a lot of things over you.

Ganondorf: (Pause.) …What are you saying?

Vaati: Well, he did force a Goddess to become mortal, and he was closer to taking over the world. You got defeated by a boy in tights.

Ganondorf: So did he!

Vaati: That Link was wearing pants. Did you get the memo?

Ganondorf: Oh come on, as if you didn't your ass kicked by fairy boy as well.

Vaati: Dude, it took, like, four of them to take me down. For you, it took one.

Ganondorf: Yeah, but I appear in over half on the games. I think, what, you made three?

Vaati: Oh yeah, real cute, especially since you got your ass kicked more times than I have.

Ganondorf: YOU….arg! Seriously, though, why did I have to decended from _that_? (Points at Demise, still staring into space and still with both arms in the air) I'm nothing like that!

Vaati: …Uh huh…

Ganondorf: Look, dude, come on, do you think…. (Ganondorf stops, and stares into space for a few seconds.)

Ganondorf: ….I do that?

Vaati: (Looks away) Um…no, you don't.

Ganondorf: …Why aren't you looking at me?

Vaati: No reason.

Ganondorf: But still, though, you have to admit the whole gothic eyeball thing is a little old. It's like, "Hey, look at me, I'm a giant eyeball! Pay attention to me!"

Vaati: Ha ha. You trying being a floating eyeball, and then come back to me. Pig freak. What some bacon with your "wine"? Oh, wait….

Ganondorf: I will tear out your…

Ghirahim: Hey guys? Whatcha doin'?

Vaati: Oh…hey Ghirahim.

Ghirahim: Tsk tsk, Lord Ghirahim to you, you silly!

Vaati: Yeah…ahem.

**_Lord _**Ghirahim: Oh, Vaati, darling, nice hair cut! Not nearly as fabulous as mine, but at least you got a nice purple color. Oh, and Ganondorf, simply wonderful armor you have there! Of course, my armor is my skin, but what can I say? Well, ta ta! I'm off to have dinner with Dark Link, the little devil. Love and kisses.

(He walked away.)

(Silence)

Vaati: I can't stand him.

Ganondorf: Nope.

Vaati: Please, I had this look long before he was even a thought in Nintendo's mind. My hair is way better.

Ganondorf: Nobody understands us veteran villians.

Vaati: Nope. We are the only ones who have to suffer this.

**~Meanwhile~**

Majora: Nobody understands me….

Physiatrist: I see, and how does this make you feel?

**~Back at the Diner~**

Ganondorf: But I wouldn't worry, because you have amazing hair.

Vaati: Why thank you, I get it colored at ChuChu Palace.

Ganondorf: Oh, I hear that place is brilliant!

Vaati: It is. They even have a play palace.

Ganondorf: No.

Vaati: Yes.

Ganondorf: That place has defiantly earned a place on my "To Go" List.

Vaati: Yeah….

(More silence. Toon Link walks by singing, trips and falls into his food.)

Ganondorf: Nice day today.

Vaati: Yes, the sun is shining, the birds are singing.

(A bird drops dead as they look out the window.)

Ganondorf: Nice day today.

Vaati: Yes, the sun is shining, it's quiet and peaceful…You can't ask for more.

Ganondorf: Yeah…except I may not appear in the next Zelda game.

Vaati: I know I won't.

Ganondorf: And people still spell my name wrong.

Vaati: And people think I'm sexy.

Ganondorf: ….

Vaati: ...Look, dude, it's bad, ok?

(Suddenly, next to them.)

Nightmare: You think you have it bad? I'm not even remembered.

(Silence.)

Vaati: Who are you?

Nightmare: Sigh.

(Marin walks by whistling, walking Bow-Wow. It snarls at the group, then keeps walking.)

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><p><strong>WELL!...That sucked. But thanks for reading anyways. I may have to take this done, it burns my eyes so much. But if you liked this, or the last chapter, let me know! I may make more! Seriously, how can I make more if I don't know if you like it or not? Despite my crappy skills... *bangs head on wall* BAD MAANNGA! OH! Yeah, if you have a suggestion for another interview, or another scene at the cafe, let me know as well! It may help get my creative juices flowing. And no, not my blood. I would like to stay alive, thanks.<strong>

**Ok, go read something else. Or go outside. Enjoy life. Thanks for reading. :)**


	3. Interview of Sunshine and Surprises

**Oh, hello again. I haven't updated in a while, so I thought I might get this out here. Skipping boring stuff, enjoy!**

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><p><em>It's morning. Link wakes up, totally hung over, with a massive headache. Moaning, he rolled out of bed, and prepared for the day. As he does so, the doorbell rings. Curious of why ANYONE would ring the doorbell, expecially since he doesn't really remember installing one, he goes to open it.<em>

Interviewer: (With Sunshine and rainbows practically sprouting from his smile) GOOD MORNing sir!

Link: (stares the cold death stare which said: Why the f*** are you at my trailer?)

Interviewer: (Oblivious) I'm so glad you invited me to your trailer for an interview last night for today! I must say, it's big news!

Link: (blinks slowly)

Interviewer: I… can interview you right? After all, people wouldn't like to hear how the great Link refused to say anything on this….

Link: (realizing that there was more than just his reputation here at stake) Oh…er…YES! I did invite you! (Doesn't remember.) Ummm…. (Looks at name tag) ….How the hell do you pronouce…. ANYWAYS! Come on in! Coffee? Tea?

Interviewer: Oh, no thanks! (Walks in.) I must say, sir, the world was shocked, simply SHOCKED when they heard the news!

Link: (Has no idea what he is talking about) Er….Why-why should they be? I thought it was obvious!

Interviewer: I see! How amazing! So you aren't afraid to admit to it?

Link: (totally bull-shitting it now) Of course not! I'm proud, in fact, simply proud.

Interviewer: WOW! Amazing! But, I hear Zelda was horrified. What did she say?

Link: Er…she said, "HOLY SHIT, LINK! I'M HORRIFIED!" She even had the capital letters going there.

Interviwer: Oh? I heard that she said, "I never expected the both of them to be like that. It was quite a shock."

Link: Oh yeah, she said that afterwards.

Interviewer: I see. Now, Link, tell me, just what sparked you to do that? Why did you?

Link: I looked at it and went, "Why not? Who's going to give a damn?" Apparently, the world.

Interviwer: Yes, yes, facinating! Does he appriciate that you call him "it?"

Link: Him? Oh…oh yeah! Him! Yeah, we're buds, it's ok!

Interviewer: Wow! And still, this amazing event can happen!

Link: Yes… but I wouldn't say amazing. Just another ordinary event. (Wonders what the hell they are talking about.)

Interviwer: Just an ordinary event! I would say much more than that! And on the night of the big party!

Link: Oh, a public thing, brilliant… er, I mean, yes, yes. It was a big party. Just, you know, throwing parties…. Like throwing cats….basic, really, basic…

Interviwer: I should say! Celebrating the 25th year of Legend of Zelda!

Link: Oh yeah, that…

Interviwer: I hear you got wasted. Tell me, is this true?

Link: (In a high pitch voice.) No…. (tries to hide a beer bottle underneath a pillow.)

Interviwer: So what are you going to do now?

Link: Now I am going to give up drinking, because apparently I do stuff that causes interviewers to come to my trailer. And then I'm going to barf, because I don't feel right.

Interviewer: Nerves getting to you?

Link: That's one way to put it, though I would prefer my stomach hates me.

Interviwer: How did Fi take it?

Link: Fi? Who gives a damn? Fi….please…. (imagines Fi preparing to kill him, slowly standing over him with a rather shiny large knife glinting...)

Interviwer: This is facinating!

Link: You have no idea.

(Suddenly, Groose bursts through the door. He is half-naked, as if someone told him something while he was changing, and he had the sudden urge to rush to Link while he was still changing.)

Groose: LINK! YOU BASTARD!

Link: No, I'm quite sure my parents were married.

Groose: Do you THINK I'll say yes? Ah HELL no! You can forget what happened last night! You hear me?

Link: Trust me, I got that covered.

Groose: I was drunk, so I had NO idea. So just forget it!

(He storms out of the trailer.)

Interviwer: What a twist!

Link: I know, great.

Interviewer: How does this make you feel?

Link: Like I just actually should give a shit now. (Thinks for a second.) Oh, so that's the him…

Interviewer: To be rejected like that. Are you upset?

Link: Rejected? Well, no, I mean I did try to…er…invite him to…dinner. But I don't think he likes my cooking.

Interviewer: I see! I'm sorry it didn't work out, but what a headline!

Link: Yes, it will make the news. Groose hates my cooking. And so does Zelda, and Fi…oh Fi, don't you ever shut up?

Interviwer: Now…

Link: (interupting) Oh, I think I hear someone calling my name! (pretends to call out.) Link! Oh, see, that must be Zelda, so I have to run…

Interviewer: Wait! Please, just one more question!

Link: Er…ok…

Interviewer: So if you aren't going to marry Groose, then is there any other special one out there?

Link: ….I'm sorry, but I think I heared you wrong. My hearing is weak, hold on. (cleans ears.) Ok, please say that again.

Interviewer: Groose rejected your marriage proposal! How does that make you feel?

Link: (stares) So…I….drunk….asked Groose… to….wait….I….

(Zelda suddenly burst on the scene.)

Zelda: LINK! YOU BASTARD!

Link: GAH! WHAT ELSE HAVE I DONE?

Interviewer: This feels awefully like this has as happened already.

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><p><strong>And another terrible piece of crap produced by me! *Confetti* Somebody stop me before I make your eyes bleed. <strong>

**Well, anyways, this has been sitting in my computer for a while now, and I didn't know how to improve it, so I thought, "What the heck, the worse that will happen is I kill someone with this stuff." So here you go. Please review, I love to hear from you guys! :D**

**Currently, I'm planning a possible new story. A friend of mine had tried to write it, but she hated it, and asked me to take over. I might do so, a mystery/horror story. Curious? Run. Run far away. If you think this sucked, just try reading an actual story of mine. **

**I may update on this story again soon, if demand is up enough for it. Let me know, everyone, if you still have those eyeballs after reading my "work." **


	4. Sweet Promises and Perverted Fairies

**This joke is old... BUT I DON'T CARE! XD Enjoy unimaginative, not clever in anyone's book, and unoriginal material!**

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><p><em>The setting is in the Chamber of Sages in the Sacred Realm. Link has finally freed the last Sage... or the second to last sage... It's all so confusing who comes first, Impa or Nabooru, but in the end it doesn't matter as long as both are freed, and generally everyone helps Impa first...<br>_

_Ahem, anyways, it is finally revealed that Nabooru is the Sage of Spirit (SPOILER! :P). The two chosen ones talk about what was to come next, which followed a bunch of thank yous and "Oh my God it's you," moments.  
><em>

_Finally, Nabooru sits back, or stands back since she's not really sitting but it's all a figure of speech anyways, and regards the hero.  
><em>

Nabooru: You have grown, Hero, after seven years. I suppose it was bound to happen. If I had known you were going to become so handsome, I would have kept my promise that I made so many years ago.

Link: (Sitting back, or standing depending on how picky you are, and remembers what she meant.) Oh, yes... When I went to retrieve the gauntlets for you in the Spirit Temple...

Nabooru: (Nodding) Yes... if only. Such a sweet promise.

Link: Yes, it's a shame, I suppose...

**Nabooru's Vision of Her Promise:**

Nabooru: And now, you are a high ranking member of the Gerudo Thieves!

Link: Thank you, ma'am!

**Link's Vision of Her Promise:**

Nabooru: Hey, Kid! If you go get those gauntlets for me, I'll get you something good!

Young Link: Ok! (goes and gets the materials)

Nabooru: Thanks kid! Here's something sweet!

You got a Candy Bar! It looks old and half-eaten, but you don't care!

Young Link: YAY, CANDY!

**Navi's Vision of her Promise:**

Nabooru: (pulling on leash) That's right, bitch, lick it clean!

Link: Yes, Master... (pulls on bondage ropes, licks clean.)

_Later, after the meeting..._

Link: Hey, Navi, I think I should go back and ask for that sweet rewa-

Navi: NO F*CKING WAY!

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><p><strong>I have no shame.<strong>

**This wasn't really funny, was it? *looks up in thought* Ah well, why not upload it?  
><strong>

**Anyways, enjoyed? If you did (and I would blink in surprise) leave a comment and let me hear from ya! You people make me smile. And, as a side bonus, I get to hear from people, which always adds to my weird... life... thing... I'm living.  
><strong>

**Thanks again. *bows* Come back soon! *Waves***


	5. Bask

**Bask in the glory of my long chapter.  
><strong>

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><p><em>Link and a Man are staring at each other. Finally, Link lifts a hand in question, opening his mouth to speak, when the Man suddenly interrupts.<em>

Man: I am ERROR!

Link: (Stares) … Er, could you tell me where the bathroom is, I…."

Man: I AM ERROR!


End file.
